Week 12: I'm Coming Home

I can't even believe I'm sitting here writing this. It's impossible, right? Of course it is. I couldn't have possibly spent my entire semester in England this quickly. I still have a few weeks, maybe even a month, right? RIGHT?

Nope. A week from tomorrow, I'll be jumping on a train to Heathrow Airport in London, getting on a plane to return to the United States-- home.

I've struggled with this definition of home, something I've addressed in my Writing from the Self class this semester. When I moved from my childhood home two years ago, I wasn't actually there. I had a rare and very honorable internship that usually didn't go to Freshman. Welp, it went to me and I needed to make a choice between starting that internship on time and go through the required training OR move with the rest of my family. I chose my internship, which at the time was a very, VERY good thing. I needed the training for the short run. But for the long run, I really needed to be home with my family, saying goodbye to my past life and helping pack up everything. It's something that still haunts me today. I dream of my 'old' house, the items I feel are still in there. I dream about the new owners and having them give me a tour of their projects. One time, they let us inside their beach house. It literally was a multicolored, Jamaican styled, jacuzzi in the top floor house. I couldn't believe it, but it felt nice to wake up knowing that didn't happen. I did not go through my old house.

With my many internships over the last few summers and constantly moving from my college housing to park housing to now a flat in England, I've realized that home is where I make it. I define my home, whether it be in a dungeon like basement flat or a kinda scary house built in the 1960's in the back woods of a battlefield. But home also has love. Lots of it. But not just family love or romantic love, but friendship love and self love.

I've had three out of the four here in England. In the past few weeks, I've grown so close to the girls upstairs and in the program, and I truly regret not getting to know them and spending time with them sooner. I've battled with my fear of friends and making friends, and I've grown so much more comfortable in my own skin. I threw a surprise birthday party for my boyfriend that was a huge success! He had no idea, everyone kept it quiet and we had a great time. I've gone out to dinner in Stratford with these lovely ladies, basically ransacked a castle while in Stratford and enjoyed every second with them. I haven't tried to be someone I'm not. I've joked around, opened up and even admitted to crying to these girls and guess what--- they're still here!

It's been such a blessing to meet every single one of them, and I've already told many of them that I want to drag them back to Gettysburg with me. I want the friendships I gained here to come back to school when I return next Fall. Even with all of us returning to our prospective schools, I hope we'll still see each other at some time or another. Facebook is a beautiful thing that I'll still be in contact with these girls. Thank. God.

Self love was something I wasn't necessarily searching for when I came abroad. One of my professors back home told me before I even made the decision to come abroad about his experience in London when he was an undergraduate. "You learn so much about yourself when you get lost in the depths of London and have to figure out your way back without a map." He said, and I laughed at the story, but didn't get the underlying message until I got here. Stepping out of your comfort-zone, getting lost, trying new food, a new technique in a class or even a new argument. I've struggled and pushed through, I've achieved success and relaxed about the little things and even admitted to my learning disability, which was HUGE. I've hidden it for so many years that it was painful to me to even write it down on medical forms. Why?! Today, I own it. I own who I am, but it's not just from my own reflection, but from the help of others. "You're so enthusiastic, Emma. I love your positivity! You're so sweet! We missed you when you weren't there!" are only some of the statements I've gotten that have stunned me. R-really? You missed me? ME? Wow. I guess I'm alright then, being me. I've been happier in these last few months than my entire Sophomore year and half of my Junior year in college. I'm not overwhelmed with stress and feeling defeated. I feel alive, thriving and full of energy. It's wonderful.


Romantic love has had it's ups and downs this semester, but we've made it. It's been an extremely difficult time on that front, especially with the death of his best friend. Our identities were shaken, who we were as individuals was changing and becoming something we needed to address. However, I'm proud of what our relationship has become in these last few months.

At first, I wondered if it was a bad decision to come abroad with Bobby. But now, I know that it was one of the best decisions of my life. We have gotten so much closer, growing into the people we want to be together. But not as a 'WE', but as a 'YOU' and 'I'. Even though we're together, we still can stand on our own. The staff of the program, now that the semester is over, has joked with us that their fear of us being "THAT couple" who were sucked up into each other all the time. They now admit that that fear was blown away by the first week. No relationship is perfect, but it can be healthy, working and loving. I've helped Bobby through a major loss and a huge paper he threw himself into while he helped me battle my disorganization and my push to change my academic lifestyle. Through both our tears and our laughs together, we came out the other side of this semester more in love with each other on a whole new level. Our understanding of how the other thinks, feels, and reacts is stronger. I wouldn't trade it for the world.



Now for the family love. My God, I cannot even describe to you how much I want to go home JUST to see/be with my family. If  I could bring them all to England, I could stay here for a while. But the fact that I haven't been able to communicate with them as much with the time difference and technological barriers makes me want to get on that plane now. I have hit that point where I've gotten terribly homesick. I miss my parents, my little sister and especially my twin. My wonderful, spunky, cool twin that I wished every time I went out or had friends over, she was there. She would have loved being here, so now I'm ready to be there. It's time to go home.

England, you were the best decision I have ever made. I've learned so much about myself, the world around me, other people and my love. I am truly thankful to everyone at ASE and Gettysburg College that made it possible for me to come to this program. It's been life changing. Bath has officially become one of my 'homes' but now, I think it's time to go.

I'm coming home.