Do I go off to graduate school, or do I get a job and wait a year?
As I walked back home from my class this morning, the song "Breakaway" by Kelly Clarkson came on my iPod. For the first time, really, I listened to the words, and it struck me hard. When I came to Gettysburg College, it was a huge change. I wanted to break away and go find who I was. Who am I? What do I want to do in my life?
I was scared. I was afraid of taking a risk and following my dreams. All these thoughts of "I want to do this! I want to do that!" flooded my head in the first few weeks of my freshman year. But a life changing paper in my First Year Seminar brought me to a man who's been in my thoughts and prayers for the past few weeks. A man who took this overly excited, jumpy, skiddish, obsessed kid and turned her into a calm, collected, upcoming historian.
For privacy sake, I'm going to call him "Obi-Wan". Yes, this is from Obi-Wan Kenobi in Star Wars, but his mentoring advice has been like a Jedi to a young padawan.
I chose Obi-Wan as the person to interview for this paper because I had seen him on TV. A documentary on the battle of Gettysburg featured him and many other historians talking about the battle, and I noticed under his name it said "Gettysburg College". I literally started shaking my friend next to me, screaming "HE COULD BE ONE OF MY PROFESSORS! I AM GOING TO HAVE HIM AS A PROFESSOR OH MY GOOOODD!" From that moment, I knew I wanted to meet him. His passion for the subject he was talking about was so obvious. It literally dripped off every word he said in the documentary, and I wanted to learn how to do that. I wanted to learn how to convey this passion in such a powerful way.
From that interview on, he has pushed me to succeed. I had only been on campus for a few weeks, and he was already telling me to apply for an internship program, become a Civil War Fellow and to get involved with the Civil War community. I was so scared, but the faith he put in me was so encouraging, I did exactly what he said. When I walked into the internship interview, a table full of supervisory historians from many different National Park battlefields looked up at me and smiled.
"So, I hear you are a twin?"
I froze, shakily answering that I was, in fact, and identical twin. I must have had a very confused look on my face, because they all laughed.
"(Obi-Wan) was just talking about you, and how you're an identical twin. That must be really cool!"
I remember blushing, looking over at Obi-Wan with a huge smile on my face. He nodded to me, and started the interview off on a cheerful note. Coming out of that interview, and now knowing what happened behind the scenes, I was not the first choice for many of the parks. I was only an 18 year old freshman with no real work experience, and I had never lived on my own. They seemed leery of me, but Obi-Wan stuck his neck out for me. A supervisory historian from the park I ended up going to told me months later that had it not been for Obi-Wan's advice, he wouldn't have chosen me, but he was so thankful he did. "I was so glad I listened to (Obi-Wan), because he was right. You were the right choice."
Obi-Wan has impacted my life so much in the limited time I've been here at Gettysburg College. He has always told me I have potential, that I will be a wonderful historian if I just put some faith in myself. When I told him I was thinking about switching majors because so many students around me were telling me I wasn't a good historian, a good writer, or a good researcher, he told me to knock it off.
"Emma, that's crazy. Who ever told you that? You just have the confidence in yourself to keep going. You'll get there."
Now, I reverse this back to him. My Obi-Wan discovered a brain tumor earlier this month, which has been removed successfully. Now diagnosed with cancer, he has a whole new battle to fight. But like my scared little freshman self, I use his words on him.
Have confidence in yourself, Obi-Wan. Keep going, because you'll get there. You'll be back before you know it, scarves and all. The Civil War Force flows strongly through you, and you are supported by an army of Civil Warriors. Students, friends, and faculty are all behind you.
I also want to thank him, for everything he has done for me. I'm not afraid to start a historical conversation. I enjoy discussing history with people around me, and I don't doubt myself. I am a young padawan, learning to use the Civil War Force as my Jedi Master has taught me. I continue to pray, as I ask the people who read this blog to as well, for the Force to be with him, and that he may have a successful recovery.
May the Force be with you.
~E
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